a glimpse

"everything's that broken, leave it to the breeze..."
James Bay

like the dead sea

"I was like the dead sea, you'll never sink when you were with me."

One of my favorite songs is the dead sea by the lumineers. I love music. I love listening to it and how certain songs can take you right back to a certain place and a certain time. The love shack by the B-52s takes me to the boardwalk at carolina beach. with all the cheesy beach stores and the smell of fried food mixing in with the salt spray coming off the ocean. I can see all the bright, flashing lights of the rides and the screams of teenagers drifting through the night air. I can smell britt's donuts and see all the old buildings, some in better shape than others. any Taylor Swift song takes me back to any time I've ever cried over a boy. Country songs remind me of summer nights and driving with the windows down through my small town with messy hair, tan skin, and few worries.

Memory is such a funny thing. I've been dwelling on the past a lot lately. Science says that your mind will slowly start blocking out memories that are either painful or traumatic. however, science hasn't told my brain that just yet. Coming back to wilmington and sliding back into fall, or as this time last year could have been called 'fall apart' (ok, that was just bad. sorry.). This time now holds some pretty painful memories for me that my mind has yet to block out. This time last year some great friends of mine decided to leave God and I got my heart broken by a boy. Now both of those things may not have even been about me but it certainly felt that way. It's crazy how much we can blame ourselves for things. Sometimes I feel like I need to be everyone's dead sea. to support everyone who comes near me. to be able to lay myself below everyone else just so they can keep their head above water. However, this weekend I was reminded of something that my conscience had decided to forget. In Isaiah 43:18 it says, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!" I forgot that God promises renewal. He promises healing. He promises new things. I am ready to be made new. I am ready to stop blaming myself and thinking I can save everyone.

gracious strength, grace in strength, strength in grace, strong grace, and me.

the title of this blog is pretty obvious, but why? grace in strength means a lot more to me than a freaking awesome blog title (if I do say so myself). I actually came to it because of my name. in my first blog post I revealed that my full name is haley grace strong. now I had never paid much mind to the beauty of my name, because I was too focused on wallowing in sad, self-pity at how common my first name was and how common that made me. however, recently I realized the power of my name. my name is God to me. Grace and strength are what God is to me. He is strong. Strong enough to save me. Strong enough to love me despite my faults. Strong enough to decide that I was worth the death of his son. He is merciful. Merciful enough to give me a life I don't deserve. Merciful enough to continuously heal my broken heart. Merciful enough to forgive me of my many mistakes. Merciful enough to pull me out of all my dark moments.

but where does this leave me?
well, typically in a sad heap on the floor because I can't wrap my head around that. but most of the time it leaves me imperfect. and that's the thing. God's grace and his strength doesn't make me perfect. I still feel guilty, I still think my feelings are the truth, I still do stupid stuff, I still give people my heart even if they don't deserve it, I still cry everyday, I still don't know how to cope with the truth, I still resent criticism, I still battle anxiety, I still withdraw my heart when I get hurt, I still, I still, I still....
But God still looks at me and sees a perfect creation. His grace and his strength make me whole in his eyes. He completes me. He covers me with his mercy because of his strength. He fills me with his strength because of his mercy. He is everything and anything.

Alright time to further embarrass myself and over reveal on the internet-
my favorite animal is a whale and to me they are the craziest and coolest things on planet earth and in so many ways remind me of the majesty, power, and mercy of God.

but i mean how sick is that? humans are nothing compared to them

also my favorite flower is a hydrangea if anyone is wondering ;)

that deafening silence

there is something so profound about the quiet. in those moments where you pause and realize that all the background noise has faded and you are alone with your thoughts, your feelings, and all the things you have been running from. silence can be deafening. it can be refreshing. it can be scary. however, almost always it is necessary. times of reflection are integral to understanding who you are and who you are being shaped into. as cliche as it may be, often those times come for me when I am surrounded by people but just struck by how small I am. today, while floating in the ocean and bobbing around hoping not to get eaten by a shark, I was struck by one of those moments of deafening silence. pushing my hands through the water and feeling the power of the current and the subdued strength of waves that had not yet crashed I couldn't help but feel so insignificant. moments where I fully understand how little control I have over my life. there is a possibility I could get swept out to sea by a strong current or eaten by a shark (not trying to scare you mom), but that doesn't make me want to swim for shore. it just makes me realize that life isn't all plans and dreams and thoughts. most of the time it's moments. moments where you just have to pause and look around at the beauty of life and understand that you may be a small and insignificant part of it all, but you are a part. one of my favorite things to do is be immersed in the ocean. to feel it's supremacy all around me and surrender to it. surrender to God's power. God's plan. and silence is so often what forces me to do that. silence in its many forms. silence comes and my thoughts run, but learning that I need those times to learn about myself and learn who I am and all that is bigger and stronger than me.

in other news, today I dropped my bra in a port a potty when changing to go out to dinner.

some moments are meant for reflection and others are meant to just crack up at yourself and how hilariously awkward your life can be.

here's a pic of me making friends with a cool lighthouse.

so today I revealed a little bit of my soul (and my body), thank you for reading,

haley grace

haley grace strong

often lacking grace and strength, here I am, haley grace strong. if you want to know who I am here's a glimpse:

I am a dreamer. a thinker. an over-thinker. wonderer. lover of all things pure, blissful, and exciting. a firm believer that you must purposely go after what makes you happy. someone who thinks that missing people is a waste of time. be with who you love and love where you are. someone who desperately wants a full life. a life of mistakes, adventures, misadventures, travels, and home. I want to always be tan. eat cupcakes whenever I want. accept that my body might not agree with either of those dreams. a lover of the ocean and all it's immensities. someone who fears immensities. someone who is a tangled mess of hair, dreams, emotions, and mistakes. someone who is so complex and intricate, I may never be fully understood by any human. someone who doesn't even understand herself. who's music taste changes daily. and style changes hourly. I'm not sure who I am or who I am becoming. a river who's direction constantly changes. I relish that fact that this is ok. I am ok. I am haley grace strong and someday I will figure out just what that means.

but the funny thing is that person is only half of what this blog is about.

the other half is God. the epitome of grace and strength. and grace in strength. and strength in grace. he is calm, peaceful, stable, and perfect. he is my rock and my salvation. and as the above paragraph indicates I could use a little stability. He is the other half of my equation, the solution. He is the immensity I love but so often fear. He is what gives value to all my adventures, misadventures, and travels. He is home to me. He accepts me even when it's winter and I'm pale and all the cupcakes have gone to my thighs. He is the one who understands me and all my complexities. He already knows who I am, who I will become, and who I am meant to me. He is my everything. He is my grace and my strength.

So by now I'm sure you're thanking your lucky stars that this blog isn't purely about the hot mess of a girl you just read about ;) but on a more serious note here are some facts about me:

I have been a disciple for over a year now and that is the most important thing to me. 

My family is a close second :)

I love laughing,

kids,

and anything food-related ;)

I am a special education major who desperately misses her hometown. So here's to your reading and my writing this year. I hope it makes you laugh, think, and smile.

Happy blogging,

haley grace