like the dead sea

"I was like the dead sea, you'll never sink when you were with me."

One of my favorite songs is the dead sea by the lumineers. I love music. I love listening to it and how certain songs can take you right back to a certain place and a certain time. The love shack by the B-52s takes me to the boardwalk at carolina beach. with all the cheesy beach stores and the smell of fried food mixing in with the salt spray coming off the ocean. I can see all the bright, flashing lights of the rides and the screams of teenagers drifting through the night air. I can smell britt's donuts and see all the old buildings, some in better shape than others. any Taylor Swift song takes me back to any time I've ever cried over a boy. Country songs remind me of summer nights and driving with the windows down through my small town with messy hair, tan skin, and few worries.

Memory is such a funny thing. I've been dwelling on the past a lot lately. Science says that your mind will slowly start blocking out memories that are either painful or traumatic. however, science hasn't told my brain that just yet. Coming back to wilmington and sliding back into fall, or as this time last year could have been called 'fall apart' (ok, that was just bad. sorry.). This time now holds some pretty painful memories for me that my mind has yet to block out. This time last year some great friends of mine decided to leave God and I got my heart broken by a boy. Now both of those things may not have even been about me but it certainly felt that way. It's crazy how much we can blame ourselves for things. Sometimes I feel like I need to be everyone's dead sea. to support everyone who comes near me. to be able to lay myself below everyone else just so they can keep their head above water. However, this weekend I was reminded of something that my conscience had decided to forget. In Isaiah 43:18 it says, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!" I forgot that God promises renewal. He promises healing. He promises new things. I am ready to be made new. I am ready to stop blaming myself and thinking I can save everyone.