like the dead sea

"I was like the dead sea, you'll never sink when you were with me."

One of my favorite songs is the dead sea by the lumineers. I love music. I love listening to it and how certain songs can take you right back to a certain place and a certain time. The love shack by the B-52s takes me to the boardwalk at carolina beach. with all the cheesy beach stores and the smell of fried food mixing in with the salt spray coming off the ocean. I can see all the bright, flashing lights of the rides and the screams of teenagers drifting through the night air. I can smell britt's donuts and see all the old buildings, some in better shape than others. any Taylor Swift song takes me back to any time I've ever cried over a boy. Country songs remind me of summer nights and driving with the windows down through my small town with messy hair, tan skin, and few worries.

Memory is such a funny thing. I've been dwelling on the past a lot lately. Science says that your mind will slowly start blocking out memories that are either painful or traumatic. however, science hasn't told my brain that just yet. Coming back to wilmington and sliding back into fall, or as this time last year could have been called 'fall apart' (ok, that was just bad. sorry.). This time now holds some pretty painful memories for me that my mind has yet to block out. This time last year some great friends of mine decided to leave God and I got my heart broken by a boy. Now both of those things may not have even been about me but it certainly felt that way. It's crazy how much we can blame ourselves for things. Sometimes I feel like I need to be everyone's dead sea. to support everyone who comes near me. to be able to lay myself below everyone else just so they can keep their head above water. However, this weekend I was reminded of something that my conscience had decided to forget. In Isaiah 43:18 it says, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing!" I forgot that God promises renewal. He promises healing. He promises new things. I am ready to be made new. I am ready to stop blaming myself and thinking I can save everyone.

gracious strength, grace in strength, strength in grace, strong grace, and me.

the title of this blog is pretty obvious, but why? grace in strength means a lot more to me than a freaking awesome blog title (if I do say so myself). I actually came to it because of my name. in my first blog post I revealed that my full name is haley grace strong. now I had never paid much mind to the beauty of my name, because I was too focused on wallowing in sad, self-pity at how common my first name was and how common that made me. however, recently I realized the power of my name. my name is God to me. Grace and strength are what God is to me. He is strong. Strong enough to save me. Strong enough to love me despite my faults. Strong enough to decide that I was worth the death of his son. He is merciful. Merciful enough to give me a life I don't deserve. Merciful enough to continuously heal my broken heart. Merciful enough to forgive me of my many mistakes. Merciful enough to pull me out of all my dark moments.

but where does this leave me?
well, typically in a sad heap on the floor because I can't wrap my head around that. but most of the time it leaves me imperfect. and that's the thing. God's grace and his strength doesn't make me perfect. I still feel guilty, I still think my feelings are the truth, I still do stupid stuff, I still give people my heart even if they don't deserve it, I still cry everyday, I still don't know how to cope with the truth, I still resent criticism, I still battle anxiety, I still withdraw my heart when I get hurt, I still, I still, I still....
But God still looks at me and sees a perfect creation. His grace and his strength make me whole in his eyes. He completes me. He covers me with his mercy because of his strength. He fills me with his strength because of his mercy. He is everything and anything.

Alright time to further embarrass myself and over reveal on the internet-
my favorite animal is a whale and to me they are the craziest and coolest things on planet earth and in so many ways remind me of the majesty, power, and mercy of God.

but i mean how sick is that? humans are nothing compared to them

also my favorite flower is a hydrangea if anyone is wondering ;)